Anatomy of a WIB

"The guy I'm dating averages a two-hour response between texts."

Here's a question for you: Since when is a text not a text? 

Answer: When it's a power-control game

I like texting. It's quick & easy & let's face it, a lot less work than interacting in real time. It's great for making plans with your friends, letting your parents know you survived another Last Call, & communicating with your co-workers during meetings. It will be the death of dating. Melodramatic, you say? Possibly. I've been called worse (You'll find WIBs for those, too). Here's why I think texting=bad when it comes to relationships.

1. Miscommunication

There are approximately 8500 ways to miscommunicate with another human being. And that's when you're standing right in front of them. We're complex creatures, dependent upon verbal & non-verbal cues to interpret what our partner is saying & the meaning behind it. Do you really want your romantic future to depend on the integrity of the emoticon? Huh? :) Do you? :(

That's what I thought. 

Example

Girl: I think I've gained three pounds.

Guy: Yeah right

Girl: *cries*

If only he hadn't forgotten the ;) the relationship could've been salvaged.

Tip: Even if there's a good chance your best friend can interpret your sarcasm, there's an equally good chance your new girlfriend will wonder what she did to piss you off.

2. Power Trip

Okay, full disclosure. The guy who inspired this WIB is in contention for the title of World's Most Massive Douchebag (WMMD).   

Typical "conversation" between me & the WMMD.

*Note: this bullshit actually took place.

Him: I saw a girl at the grocery store who looked like you.

Me: Really? Did you say hi?

Him: *silence* 

45 minutes later...

Him: *more silence*

2 hours later...

Him: Nah.

This is usually the point I find myself screaming at the phone & pretending it's him.  My righteously indignant stream of consciousness goes something like this:

"Why? Why do that?? Mother#%$$#, I know you have your phone in your hand! Why the *&%$ bother to text me if you're just going to ignore me? Did you have some sort of cellular malfunction? Did you drop your phone off the roof of a semi-tall building & have to fish it out of a bush that stabbed you in so many places you've been crouching in the bathroom with little pieces of toilet tissue clotting your wounds? I DIDN'T THINK SO."

This...does not make me feel better. This makes me feel like a psychopath.  I'm not suggesting that every time a guy takes two hours to text you back you should kick him to the curb. Far from it. But the WMMD put me through this pretty much every time he contacted me & is symptomatic of a greater problem: using the text as a way to control rather than to communicate.

Here's a test. If he uses texting as the primary form of communication but 1) has to be the one who texts first, & 2) then takes insane amounts of time to respond, it really doesn't matter why he's doing it. It's just ten kinds of rude. 

Tip: Using text messaging as a way to maintain power in a relationship takes power from your partner. In other words, you make her an insecure basketcase. Stop doing that.

Technology Intimacy Scale (in descending order)

Face-to-Face

Telephone

Instant Message

Text Message

Facebook Message

Fed-Ex

Standard Mail

Final word: Aiming for the middle is never good unless you're an archer or a darts shark. She's a cute girl. Pick up the damn phone & call her.